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by Jean McLendon
It is strange to be writing you knowing that others will likely read my letter. In many respects, I feel that our relationship was and continues to be private. It is however a unique opportunity to make public, my gratitude for all you gave me. You appreciated me, married me, taught me, encouraged me, believed in me, challenged me and connected me to a world larger and more beautiful than I could have imagined. You enriched my life, taught me how to enhance my reality. You helped me come to know the healer and teacher that I am.
You gave me a set of methods and models that amplified all I hoped as a child to be true about being human. Your constructs about being whole and fully human enabled me to be a better, healthier and happier person. I recall at my Falcon Lake Month Long i the early 70's how "blown" my mind was as I took in the power of my work with you. Early one morning I knocked shyly on your door. I was so excited feeling that I was getting the essence of your teachings. You seemed interested in what I had concluded. I said with great enthusiasm and satisfaction, "it's all about the "universality of emotionality." You simple and calmly responded, "Well, yes." That core belief was so hug e and novel to me, and yet so basic to you. I believe that concept is key to my teachings and helping people in so many different contexts, cultures and countries. You were the teacher I needed, the professional mother I did not know was possible to have.
Thank you for opening up the world to me and me to the world. Only moments ago I completed unpacking my suitcase... the most important part of my re-entry ritual. Twice this year I have unpacked from travels from far away places: Southeast Asia in January and now Central Asia. I am sitting on the dock with our cats Ivan and Murphy enjoying the silky, shimmering lake. We moved after you died to another Chapel Hill lake. I would love to share this home with you. It is hard to believe that you never got to meet our cats. You would have found them to be very interesting and special, though perhaps not as precocious as your believed Rebel to be. Incidentally, Carol sends love and appreciation to you too. She's doing great and she attributes so much of her success to what she learned from you.
Virginia, I have not unpacked from this trip. I am still in the air. I wonder, if you like I great to appreciate the luxury of long flights where there is no telephone and no e-mail.? I imagine that is when you did some of your writing. For me, the stillness of being strapped in my seat makes the experience meditative. I can reflect, read, and tonight return to my letter to you. I am returning from the 5th Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference. I, of course, missed you and did imagine you peering in on many of the sessions and smiled and laughed given how clearly affirmed and validated you must have felt. Would you believe the research presented shows that the most important indicators of effective therapy are the client's felt alliance with the therapist, the therapist's belief of the model she is working from the client's perception of early change? I know you would have laughed to see people receiving this date in 2005 as though something new had been discovered... given you knew this so long ago.
You would have laughed out loud and been very interested to know that your experiential, multi-sensory, health oriented, mind-body-spirit, systemic process and relational approaches to change are now being talked about in the language of genomics and brain plasticity. I can hear you saying, "Well of course." What you would not have laughed about is the few times that you or your experiential growth model was mentioned by the presenters. No doubt, you would also be disappointed that we had no Avantan presenting.
You would however appreciate that Jeff Zeig told me how much he appreciated you and how regretful he was that he was not able to accept your offer to do his reconstruction. He generously offered also to talk with me about their organizational structure. They have 1256 Institutes. We probably have 25. I guess I haven't told you that I am entering my second year as President of Avanta.
I hope you would be pleased that Avanta is still alive. I know you would be proud of its intent and efforts. I believe you would be pained to know that in our grief we were not able to hold the family together. Some of our most committed and skilled sibling left the fold during our chaos of grief. Some of us are returning. We have work to do at the level of forgiveness, acceptance, healing and congruence. I am learning again that it is easier to help others claim and speak of their vulnerabilities, expectation, hopes, and longings that it is for us to do so with each others. Even so, we are moving forward holding onto our courage stick while dragging our fears and avoidance behind.
Avanta is in a place of transition. We are deconstructing our perceptions of who we are so that we can construct a new vision of who we can become and what our role needs to be within the Satir ecosystem. We now have the technological capacity to connect our ever enlarging, extended global family. In part, the dream you had that satellites would allow us to communicate and connect human to human across the planet is happening. But he problem is that even via satellite we are still very competent at communicating incongruently. We still have so much to learn. I wish you were still here to help us change the world.
I could go on and on now that I have started, no matter that others might be reading it. I miss talking with you, miss hearing from you, miss working with you, miss sharing a condo with you, miss holding your hands and miss hearing you laugh. Happy Birthday and thanks for so many precious memories and for giving me so much of what I continue to need and use every day.
Printed with
permission from Jean McLendon, 2007. |