Home

Virginia Satir Biography -

Sometimes myths are developed about how a person has died, especially when that person enjoys the kind of widespread admiration that surrounded Virginia. Although I feel that the following is a truthful account, there may be some myth already built into this part of her story.

One of our biggest challenges is our transition from this life to death. It is a difficult time for the person leaving (dying), and for those who are left behind. Virginia’s illness and death were no exception. It was a challenge for her, her family and friends, and the many people she had touched throughout her life. Virginia used to say that she would live more than 100 years. She spoke of her 75th birthday celebration and indicated that she would invite Mother Teresa. She died at 72 years of age, which was simply too soon for her and the many she left behind.

At the end of May 1988, Virginia was not feeling well. She attended the Avanta Annual Meeting in June, at which time she complained of stomach pain. In spite of her discomfort, she carried on with her busy plans for that summer. In July she went to Crested Butte, Colorado, where she was working as Director of Training for the International Satir Summer Institute/Process Community Modules I & II. In those trainings she worked with Avanta members as trainers, too. Process Community Level II began first, and Virginia’s abdominal pains grew severe enough for her to go to the hospital at Grand Junction. The diagnosis was a pancreatic tumor that could be cancerous.

It became clear that she needed treatment, so Virginia left Crested Butte for Palo Alto, accompanied by Avanta member Diana Hall. She was then admitted to Stanford Medical Center. At Stanford Hospital the news was more serious. She had cancer, and it involved the liver as well as the pancreas. Even as ill as she was, it was not easy for her to leave Crested Butte. Since she was there for almost two months every year, Crested Butte had become a kind of second home for Virginia, a place she loved deeply.

Once the diagnosis of cancer was made in Palo Alto, it was clear that Virginia could not return to the training. This was of great concern to her, and she began to make arrangements for the training to continue in Crested Butte without her. Marilyn Peers, Avanta’s President from 1987 to 1990, went to California to be with Virginia and discuss what Virginia desired for the future direction of Avanta.

Virginia’s treatment options "included chemotherapy and radiation treatment, but these were considered merely palliative. She chose instead to undertake a nutritional approach with healing at home" (The Satir Model 328). Several of Virginia’s friends came to her home and worked around the clock to be with her and care for her. Others maintained a vigil of prayers and support by mail, phone calls, and phone messages.

Laura Dodson’s piece "The Dying Process of a Conscious Woman Virginia Satir" offers a very insightful and sensitive firsthand account of Virginia’s preparation for death. Laura tells of the fears and pain that Virginia shared with her in her last days and also of the ownership that Virginia assumed over her own death. She took charge of her death as she had always taken charge of her life.

In her home, Virginia continued to fight her illness through the nutritional approach: cleansing diets, vitamins, and minerals. By late August the vomiting and other discomforts she was experiencing led her to stop the treatment. She became more restful and quiet. Laura recalls Virginia’s words:

"What would you say, Laura, if I said I want to make my transition now?"

 

Quiet again. So profound words, so profound a moment. We sat quietly again for a couple of minutes. I found myself responding. "Virginia, if that is what you feel is right for you, I will help you." She opened her eyes and the glowing smile I had seen so often on her face was there. Her eyes sparkled, "I am 72, I have lived a good life." We looked into each other’s eyes for a time. (183)

Laura continues, "After an hour, I leaned over and asked, ‘how do you feel now about your decision?’ Softly and assuredly came back, ‘it is the only thing that gives me peace.’" (183) Later Virginia shared her decision with the family and friends around her. She also dictated a message to those who were not able to be close to her in person:

To all my friends, colleagues and family: I send you love. Please support me in my passage to a new life. I have no other way to thank you than this. You have all played a significant part in my development of loving. As a result, my life has been rich and full, so I leave feeling very grateful.

Virginia (Dodson 185)

Virginia’s last days seemed to be peaceful. She slept more, talked less, and listened to music. On September 9, 1988, a note came from her family reading,

Virginia died the next day, September 10, 1988. Laura remembers the moment this way:

When she did breathe a last gentle breath, with no struggle, we gathered around her bed holding hands. The ecstatic feeling was there again, though tainted with deep loss. She made it out of her body!

 

Almost without thought, ritualistic behavior fell in line. Jonathan, one of her doctors, who is Jewish, conducted the last ceremony in his tradition of breaking the glass as a symbol of transition. We spoke quietly to her. Some sang. (186-187)

Before she died, Virginia requested to be cremated. Her cremated remains were taken to Mount Crested Butte, Colorado, where she had bought a cemetery plot. I remember her asking several of us if we wanted to buy a plot with her, as it would be cheaper for three of us to buy it together. In Mount Crested Butte, surrounded by family and friends, her remains were given a final resting- place. Her grave is simple but beautiful. It has been kept and cared for by another of her friends Allen Cox. In that place Virginia still reminds us about her love for nature, the mountain, and people.

Continues on:

Snap Shots of Virginia

Family of Origin

Education

Teaching Career

Marriage & Children

Graduate School

Virginia's Career in Therapy

Virginia's Philosophy

The Pioneer

Illness & Death

The Legacy

Order an illustrated and appended copy of this biography for $10 from our Book Store